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* Labratory Lost Readme *
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Yep, another crappy level of mine is finished. At least i call it finished,
I've been too lazy to ... no, actually, I've had other things on my mind,
as always. Lots of things. And I think I know now what's going on...
Actually, I'm impressed yet a bit disappointed with this level. At least I
managed to put some more variaty into it than my other levels (Medivo
Arena, Doomed Roasting, Deep Space Slaughter). Yet I expected it to be
become more. I've spent 3 months on it, when I could work on it, I did and
look what came out! And the usuall problems occur: loss of inspiration,
that sort of thing. And another: I want things to be perfect the minute i
put it down. And let me tell you, that's a big problem for me. I've had
that as a kid (only worse though O.o), it's still in my way for all those
years...
Ack, I've been fooling myself, I'm writing down nonsense now! Maybe I have
been writing nonsense in all those readmes I've typed! OK, lemme order my
problems a bit...
1. Loss of inspiration
2. Heavy doubts (I get that a lot)
3. Thinking my creations are crap (my levels at least)
Conclusion: I'm expecting too much from myself.
There you have it. I want to be perfect (who doesn't?), or at least be as
good as any other to be able to belong to something, despite of
my...condition. Yes, I have a (mental) condition: I have a handicap related
to autism! In case you were wondering, ppl with autism have trouble with:
1. making contact
2. flexible thinking
3. communication
Especially that flexible thinking is giving me problems, that's why my
creations are...you know. Also, I have odd ways of making contact. I feel
like an outcast at times, because I feel I have that condition. And I want
to be part of something...
You know, I never seem to be happy now. With this world, with myself. I
even thought about death..O.o I just want things the way they used to
be...Still, there is someone who makes me happy. Someone I can tell my
problems to, someone who gives me...respect. Someone who accepts the way
who I am. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't even have bothered making this
level. Wanna know who she is? Play the level and find out...;)
- JelZe GoldRabbit
