"Faw," I whispered to him while Uberbob stared into space, "go get L33tz4n. Do that teleporty thing you used to do all the time."
"Oh, right, that," he said. After the constant use of the Magic Map, he had evidently forgotten he could teleport. He disappeared in a flash of light.
I waited a while; he didn't return.
The silence was rather nice; usually Uberbob would fill it with some bizarre ranting. Shuri, on the other hand, was usually pretty quiet and reserved. I couldn't help but wonder why she always let Uberbob lead when he was around. She'd make a much better leader, knowing how to shut up once in a while and all.

Warp to the ruins yourself to see what's taking Faw and Leetzan so long.

Hey, we aren't Uberbob anymore!

Okay then, suggest that the party warp to check on Faw, and then snatch the map and warp them there regardless of their responses. Whoever we are. Tah-dah!

Okay guys, I got sick and I'm going away this thanksgiving, so I'm going to disappear more. I'm appointing a new DM, Dev. Listen to Dev for a while.

An hour passed; still no sign of Fawriel and L33tz4n. Uberbob was still staring into space, either thinking about something or dead on his feet. Shuri, however, was practicing her swordplay, thrusting and jumping from side to side, and swinging that blade of hers. I was impressed, and not just with her skill. She caught me eyeing her and immediately stopped.
"See something you like?" she asked with a scowl.
I rolled my eyes and walked over to Uberbob.
"We ought to see what's taking them so long," I suggested. He didn't seem to hear me. I snapped my fingers in front of his face a few times and he finally came to.
"Oh, hey!" he said, wiping a bit of drool from his chin. "I was just choreographing my next big dance scene! Watch!" He started moving and gyrating in ways which would make even a heterosexual woman sick to her stomach. I grabbed his shoulders and forced his attention on me.
"We need to check on Faw," I said. Short, simple words were the key, here.
"Oh yeah, green dude," he replied. Finally, something sunk in. He pulled out the Magic Map, grabbed hold of Shuri and I, then warped us to Pandora's Island. The sudden change in temperature stung my skin, but Uberbob seemed unaffected. Faw and L33tz4n were sitting on a mound of dry earth beside the ruins. At the sight of us Faw threw his arms up, apparently exasperated.
"Hey green guy, L33t-something!" Uberbob said cheerfully. "What's new?"
"'Bout time you showed up," Faw said angrily. L33tz4n looked down. I noticed a brief flicker of rage in her eyes. Uberbob seemed oblivious to this, but quickly took notice of a nearby rock, which he pocketed quite proudly, then began searching for more.

EDIT: I have the honor of introducing a new bit of uberness to make your playing a bit easier. From now on, a compass will be shown at the end of each DM post, showing you which directions you can move in. For example, this compass shows only a W for West, so you can only move West at this time. Hopefully this will cut down on "explore your surroundings" posts.

Warp everybody back to Upper Placespot!

"So why didn't you come back on your own?" I asked Fawriel, while Uberbob started digging a hole with his bare hands.
Fawriel sighed. "Well, I wanted to, but-"
"No time for chit-chat!" Uberbob suddenly shouted, pulling his nose out of the dirt. "Warp with me to... ADVENTURE!" He gathered everyone up and pulled out the Magic Map, but before he could touch Upper Placespot L33tz4n pushed him away. She slithered off to the mound of dirt and sat (as much as a legless snake-person can sit) on her own, resting her head in her hands and staring sadly at the ground.
"L33t-person?" Uberbob called to her. "This is no time for sitting as much as a legless snake-person can sit! This is a time for... ADVENTURE!"
She glared back at him with her eerie yellow-tinted eyes. Apparently Uberbob had not learned much about dealing with women in his lifetime, so I decided to help him out, not for his sake, but for L33tz4n's.
"You know," I said to him in a half-whisper, "she might be a little upset with you. You did completely forget about her."
"Oh, it's those emotion things again, isn't it?" he said pitifully. "Alright, I'll make her feel like a valueable member of our team and/or organization."
"Yeah, you do that," I said, shoving him towards L33tz4n. "And her name is L33tz4n! Remember: L33t-z4n! Don't forget!" I knew he was going to say something stupid, as usual, but the least he could do was get her name right this time.

"I'm sorry, L22tz5n, is there something wrong?"

Edit: Oh, right. We aren't Uberbob anymore.

Or, are we still, but Araches is narrating?
Uberbob was the one that was going to warp everybody, so who knows.

Ae: The point of view is currently Araches, but depending on your command, it could go to either her or Uberbob. Usually her, but in this case it needs to be Uberbob.

Uberbob strode over to L33tz4n, more confident in himself than I was. "I'm sorry L33tz4n, is there something wrong?"
L33tz4n turned to face him, taken aback. "You remembered my name?" she asked, apparently very surprised.
"Yes!" Uberbob boasted. "See? I care!"
L33tzan wiped her eyes and shook her head. "It's a start," she said with a faint smile. "Don't forg3t me again." She and Uberbob rejoined with the rest of us, and in a flash we were all, once again, sliding down the slope of ice onto the frozen land of Upper Placespot. We landed in a collective pile in the snow, but it didn't take long for Uberbob to be up and exploring again. I was starting to think that rapidly switching between climates might not be extremely healthy.

Travel west

Uberbob led us West across the frozen sea until we came to Scholar Sam's Academy. It was still covered in ice, just like the rest of Upper Placespot, although technically I couldn't be sure, seeing as how the rest of Upper Placespot was up a gigantic slope of ice and out of my range of vision. The sun was shining brightly overhead, but none of the ice seemed to be melting under its rays. I suppose that was because it was magic ice.

Are we above it, next to it, what?

You're stading next to the academy. It's on the same ground level as you and the entrance is only a few meters away. The academy is covered in a layer of ice about five centemeters thick, making entering and exiting impossible without use of the teleporter in Newsuperubermegatropolis.

Chisel into the ice.

"Okay, let's take care of this ice!" Uberbob took out the ice tools he had traded the ultimate pie for and gave us each a chisel and hammer. "Hop to it!"
We spent a few minutes chiselling away the ice from the entrance. When all the ice covering the door had been dealt with, Uberbob instructed us to move onto the walls, windows and decorative plants adorning the front steps. I didn't see the logic to this, and chiselling through a thick layer of ice was even less fun than it sounded.
"How about we stop now?" Shuriken suggested.
"But we must defeat the ICE!" Uberbob cried. For some reason I now had the desire to knock out Uberbob, tie him up, and add him to our inventory.



EDIT: And there is ONE entrance. Scholar Sam doesn't believe in fire safety routes.

Finish defeating the ice, then enter the building.

Knock out Uberbob, tie him up and add him to the inventory.

Or at least stop fighting the ICE and go inside.

Listen to Fawriel.

Tell Coppertop to start actually playing actively, too.

Originally Posted by Coppertop

Listen to Fawriel.

Yes, that.

Originally Posted by Fawriel

Tell Coppertop to start actually playing actively, too.

Ahaha, this thread is like my nemesis. I'll pass.

Good luck to Dev, in making sense of what these guys have to say

Uberbob continued to do battle with the inanimate ice covering the welcome mat, while the rest of us watched bemusedly.
"This is just getting sad," I pointed out. "Let's just go in already."
"What about Uberbob?" Fawriel inquired. "Looks like he's determined to defrost the whole academy."
This did seem to be a problem. I thought for a moment, and suddenly came up with a spectacular idea. "Can I borrow your spear?" I asked Fawriel.
He took a few steps back. "Uh... you can't kill Uberbob."
"Yeah," Shuriken added. "We all get ideas, Araches, but you can't just go around-"
Before anyone could stop me I snatched up Fawriel's spear. It was surprisingly heavy, and overly-ellaborate in design, but it would do. I stood over Uberbob and swung the blunt end down on his head. He fell to the floor unconscious. I reached into his pokets, pulled out the rope, and proceeded to tie him up. There were no attempts by the rest of the group to stop me. When I was done I dragged him by the feet to the now-unobstructed door, pushed it open, and went inside. The others followed suit, minus the part about dragging Uberbob.

I was now in charge.

And while I revelled in the fact that I was a lesbian sorceress in power, something which would have been politically unimaginable a few years ago, I was still the leader and thus responsible for what we did next. The inside of Scholar Sam's Academy was, in fact, just as it was before. The walls were lined with bookshelves containing various textbooks on the dark arts. Between Fawriel, L33tz4n and I, we had skimmed through most of them. The academy was uninhabited but, thankfully, the heating system was running smoothly. There were a few chairs and desks here and there, as well as a chalkboard. It looked to be a pretty standard school, despite having only one classroom, no cafeteria, and a teleporter leading to Newsuperubermegatroplois in the corner. That said, I guess it wasn't so standard after all. I dropped the unconscous Uberbob in the middle of the room. The others gathered around me, deathly silent. It was time to give my first order as leader.

And thanks CT.

Draw some pictures on the chalkboard.

"Alright," I said, taking a deep breath to clear my mind of hateful and negative thoughts. "My first order as leader is to..."
Everyone was listening attentively to what their brave new leader was about to say.
"We should..." I began. "We should... um..." Drat, being leader was harder than I thought. "...I dunno, draw on the chalkboard or something."
Fawriel let out a yelp of sheer delight, but Shuriken and L33tz4n stared at me like I was... well, like I was Uberbob. Fawriel ran over to the chalkboard and began drawing anime girls with a look of unparalleled joy on his face. L33tz4n and Shuri glanced at each other, then shuffled over to the chalkboard as well. There was only one piece of chalk, which Faw was still using, but they didn't seem particularly interested in drawing anyway.
I ran my thoughts over in my head a few times. Why did I give that order? What is it about being leader that does this to people? How did Fooruman figure out the X, Y and Z coordinates of Unfooruman's lair to save Shuri and L33tz4n? My mind was riddled with questions. Uberbob continued to lie on the floor, no doubt dreaming about chasing trout. It might have been cute if I had had something in my heart for him other than utter contempt, which I didn't.

Bring everybody back outside, and go east, then south.

Give command to Faw for a while to see what happens.

MSB3000: Araches is the only character you have direct control over now that Uberbob is out of the picture. I can't switch control over to Fawriel, as per Rad's orders. Sorry.

I finally started thinking a bit straighter. "Okay, let's go somewhere else," I suggested. "I think we've pretty much wrapped things up here."
Shuri and L33tz4n seemed very relieved to hear something sensible come out of my mouth. Fawriel, on the other hand, was devestated.
"Can't I take the chalkboard with me?" he pleaded.
"It's not yours," I pointed out, "it's Scholar Sams. You shouldn't steal stuff from wizards, they're subtle and quick to anger." Fawriel begrudgedly complied.
We left the magic academy, dragging Uberbob behind us on the rope. We passed by the huge slope of ice we slid down earlier and continued southward across the frozen ocean. We eventually found ourselves, once again, in the company of the icesmith. He was sitting just outside his icesmithy in an ice chair reading a newpaper which, not surprisingly, was also made of ice. The piece of pie he was eatting, however, was none other than the last slice of the ultimate pie. Upon seeing our approach he waved cheerfully.
"Bearers of pie!" he called out to us. "How are those new ice tools working out for ya?"

"We made a nice new route. And Uberbob defeated the ICE. "

Ask for any more tips for the carving tools.

Ask if he has any news of Scholar Sam's whereabouts.

"Well we made a nice new route between here and Newubersuper... yeah," I replied. "And Uberbob defeated the ICE."
The icesmith nodded sagaciously. "I knew he had what it took to be an icesmith." He glanced behind me and noticed Uberbob's unconscous body lying tied-up in the snow. "Hey, isn't that him?"
"No. Tell me more about the ice tools you gave us."
"Well, they're made from quintuple reinforced titanium/mythric/magistitic ore. There are five chisels and five hammers. It is said that these were the very tools with which the universe was first chiselled."
I gave an impressed little whistle, but then remembered that he was pretty much insane and perhaps I shouldn't believe everything he told me. Even still, I asked him, "Do you have any tips for using them?"
"Tips?" he repeated. "Well, you put the sharp end of the chisel to the ice and hammer it in. It's just like driving in a railroad spike, or a mountain-climbing spike."
"Have you seen Scholar Sam around?" I asked, shifting one of my feet on top of the other so I wouldn't lose both of them to frostbite.
"Not since everything froze over," he answered, finishing off the ultimate pie with one huge bite. "But I've just been here at my icesmithy, so I wouldn't know where he was unless he was standing right in front of me."

Ask him what the pie tasted like or if it was good.

"How was the pie?" I asked, despite the fact that I really didn't care.
"It was good," he replied.
"Was it worth a billion and one dollars?"
"I'd say so," he said with smile, "but you really can't put a price on a good pie. It's like putting a price on the laugh of a child, or the kiss of a loved one. The best moments in life are the ones where money isn't a concern."
I pondered this for a moment. "But money WAS a concern. It cost a billion and one dollars."
"Oh," he said. "Well it was good, anyway."

Warp the Party to the Isle of Darkness.

I frisked Uberbob's tied-up body and found the Magic Map. With the push of a finger we all were suddenly standing (or in Uberbob's case, lying unconscous) on the mysterious shores of the Isle of Darkness. Clouds of pure evaporated evil hung in the sky overhead, blocking out the sun and causing the illusion of perpetual night. Actually it was worse than perpetual night, since even night has stars. Waves broke violently against the island; I could only assume because they were evil waves. Towering before us was a gigantic and ominous-looking cliff of ice, with a square metal door built into the side.
As far as evil decorating was concerned, this island really broke the mold. I had to admit that it was very well-done, and pulled off the evil fortress look flawlessly. The only noticeable oddity was that the door had no handle, but perhaps this was intentional. Whoever lived here was clearly not a people person.

Give everyone a chisler to chisel away the ice around the door.

Having surveyed our surroundings, I got another spectacular idea. "Here," I said, handing everyone who was conscious a chisel. When I was done they all stared at me strangely. An awkward silence set in.
"Why did you give us chisels?" Fawriel asked at last.
"To chisel away the ice around the door," I replied.
There was another awkward silence.
"...so," Fawriel began, "...should we do that now?"
I stopped to think for a moment. I hadn't planned that far ahead. Curse my live-fast die-young lifestyle.

"Yes. Wait, no. Hold on." Warp to Antifoo and save. Then come back and have everyone start to chisel.

Realize what a miracle it was that Uberbob had kept everyone alive for most of the time so far.

Pageclaim in the name of sexy kitty bois everywhere.

"Yes," I said, but then suddenly changed my mind. "Wait, NO!" Everyone looked at me, their expressions a mixture of confusion and terror. I raised my hand to calm them and said, "Hold on."
I warped myself to Antifoo Island, touched the Porta-save, listened to the catchy little "you have saved" fanfare, then warped back to where I had previously been standing. "Okay, NOW everyone can start chiselling."
My comrades walked over to the giant ice cliff and put their chisels to the side. On the count of three everyone struck their hammers down at once, but the sound of cracking ice was not to be heard.
"Somethings up with this ice," Shuriken pointed out. "It's, like, chisel-proof! Even our enchanted super-chisels are no match for it."
Crap. Back to the drawing board.