... ;o
Look guys, a wooden spear won't conduct. Have Araches lightning bolt the whole darn thing and complete the whole darn circuit darn it!

Page 49 belongs to Alaska.

@WR: It's not wooden. I think I mentioned it was metal when Araches beat Uberbob over the head with it. Or at least I said it was really heavy... anyway, no, not wooden.

I shuffled through the snow over to Araches. She had swiped Conquista's battlesuit from Uberbob some time ago, and now had it wrapped around herself like a giant blanket.
"Why don't you just Lightning the whole darn thing?" I asked.
Araches nodded, her eyes turned black, and she called down a bolt of lighting. The bolt struck the rod on the machine and nothing else.
"Lightning strikes the highest thing around," L33tz4n explained. "In this case, it's the rod." Indeed, the rod was about fifty feet higher than the gate itself.

Then throw the spear into the gap. ;(

*get's spear*

Originally Posted by White Rabbit

Page 49 belongs to Alaska.

*kills WR*

I threw the spear into the gap, rather than connecting it by way of the connectors on the transformer and gate. It stuck in the snow like a toothpick in a cocktail weenie.
"I like where your head's at," Uberbob said. "Everyone, the Earth has clearly turned against us. ATTACK THE EARTH!" Uberbob started kicking at the snow, whilst Fooruman beat the ground with his oar. I feared I was slowly becoming one of them.

Take Grandma's clothes and put them on the ground, like a mat, in front of the gap. Connect each end of the spear to each connector while standing on the mat.

I won't pretend I understand why you're putting her clothes on the ground like a mat, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you have some brilliant plan which will entirely redefine RPG strategy as we know it.

I tore Grandma Conquista's laundry off of Araches. She conjured a fireball and angrily slung it at me, but I raised the clothing like a shield and deflected the attack. "Tuche," she said.
I laid the clothes on the ground like a mat and stood on top, then connected the spear to the transformer and the gate circuit. I enjoyed the nice warm feeling of standing on something that wasn't snow for a change.

Well, you see, it was to avoid being electrocuted. ;( Since Grandma's clothing is non-conductive, standing on it would prevent Faw from getting electrocuted. He wouldn't if the resistance between him and the ground was higher than the resistance through the metal rod. In fact, I know the metal rod is more likely to be a good conductor than Faw but I decided not to risk making Fawburger out of him.

Look at 'gate mechanism'. Try to operate it and open the gate.

Get L33tz4n to summon an enchantresphere, and have that zap it.

I examined the gate mechanism. There was nothing on it that looked like it opened the gate.
"Hey L33tz4n, summon the Enchantresphere and have it zap the machine," I said. "Erm, I mean, please summon the Enchantresphere." She already took enough orders from Uberbob, so I thought I should at least be polite with my request.
L33tz4n called upon our old friend, Spherey the Enchantresphere. It zapped the rod on the machine with a bolt of magical lightning. The lightning moved through my spear and into the gate. A tiny button on the gate which I had not noticed before suddenly lit up.

Say "Oooooh, shiny!" and press the button.

"Ohhh, shiney!" I said as I reached to press the button. Before I could push the shiney, round, candy-like button, Uberbob came out of nowhere and shoved me to the side.
"Shiney thing!" he said excitedly as he pressed the button. The gateway suddenly opened, and for some reason played Jingle Bells as it did so. Uberbob clapped. "I am an AWESOME puzzle-solver!" he declared.

Gnaw on Uberbob's peg leg.

I considered gnawing on Uberbob's peg leg, then remembered that he didn't have one anymore. Also, no way in hell would I ever gnaw on his peg leg in the first place.

>O

Go north, i guess

Originally Posted by Dev

I considered gnawing on Uberbob's peg leg, then remembered that he didn't have one anymore. Also, no way in hell would I ever gnaw on his peg leg in the first place.

I saw something like that coming. I don't think Faw would get as insane as Uberbob ;O.

Uberbob acts stupid a lot of the time.
Faw is rux.
Fooruman is a foo.
Araches is a joke.
L33tz4n is cannot spell her name as 133754|\|.

Anyways just go north

Does is matter if Faw dies when it's from his POV? I mean, the FooCanoe could just res him back, right?

That's if Uberbob decides a live Faw is more useful then a Faw corpse.

If the current PoV dies in anything but a battle, the game is reloaded. That's how it's always been, I think.

I picked up my trusty spear, then we all headed Northward through the gate. Just as we all passed through, the gate began to close! Fooruman desperately kicked his canoe into RAMMING SPEED and rowed beneath the closing gateway. He propped the gate up with his oar and held it in place.
"By the might of FOO!" he exclaimed. "My companions! Go on without me! I must hold this gate in place!"
"That's stupid," said Uberbob as he walked to the archmage's side. "We don't need that gate open! We're moving forward! Forward to... ADVENTURE!"
"He has a point," Shuri added.
"Thank you, Shurikens!" Uberbob said with a smile.
"Not you," Shuri said with disgust. "I was talking about Fooruman. We don't even know what lies ahead. We may need to come back through here."
"So we're just going to leave poor Fooruman here holding up the gate in the freezing cold on the Canadian border for who knows how long?" Araches asked.
"Yeah," Shuri replied. "That's the plan."
"Oh, okay. Good luck, Fooruman. Take care, I guess."
"You needn't worry about me!" the old man confidently belowed. "The FooCanoe will keep me company!"
I waved goodbye to the elderly and recently somewhat-useful wizard. Fooruman was just as much an idiot as Uberbob, but he was a harmless, more loveable idiot. I was almost sad to leave him behind, but surely we would remember to come back for him when we found a way out of here. Probably, at least.

Go north and wave back to Fooruman

Ask fooruman for a hair off his beard so you can remember to come back for him

"Can I have a hair from you beard, Fooruman? You know, so I'll remember to come back for you."
Fooruman nodded, yanked out a huge wad of hair from his beard, then tied it with a ribbon. "Good young Fawriel," he said as he handed the dreadful thing to me, "out of all the healers I have met in my TWO THOUSEND YEARS, you were indeed the kindest, and certainly the most masculine of them all." I had no idea what to say to that, so I nodded, waved again, and followed my comrades North.
A light snow began to fall as we made our way closer to the top of the Earth. In time, it evolved into something of a blizzard. I was thankful that I didn't have lips, as they likely would have been chapped by now.
We approached yet another gateway. This one was significantly different from the last: it consisted of two great stone doors with several runes inscribed upon them. In front of the door were four large, round platforms, each with a rune adorning its surface. I had never seen such symbols before.
"What do they say?" Uberbob asked L33tz4n.
"I... don't know?" she replied nervously. "It's some sort of ancient Canadian version of sanscrit, by the looks of 1t."
Uberbob then turned to Araches. "You're a witch. Use your magic to open the door." She simply sighed and walked away. Uberbob seemed perplexed by this reaction.
As I wandered over to the door, I tripped over something in the snow. It was a skeleton, and judging by its robes, it had once belonged to a sorceress. In one hand she was clutching a notebook, and in the other a deck of tarot cards. Her clothes and belongings looked like new, while clearly all the flesh had decayed from her bones. Either these were items of magical significance, or the sorceress had died a magic-related death. As I looked up from the snow, I saw a huge lever on the side of the gateway. It looked very rusty, like only a very strong person or another machine could pull it down.
"Lookit this!" Uberbob called out. We all gathered around a patch of snow which he had been examining. In the snow, written in yellow letters, were the words "save point."

Inventory

Save (just to make sure nothing happens), take tarot cards,notebook and clothes (;)) and add to inventory (read notebook while youre at it), then save again so if we die we wont have to reacquire the items.

edit: 100th post in this thread ;D.

Show the corpse to Araches before you take the clothes or anything, since it was a sorceress.

Ask everyone to help you pull the lever.

Pulling the lever might be a Bad Thing. We should wait for that.

*PULLS* (after...) *laughs meanly at the occuring event*

Uberbob was always talking about these "save points." Allegedly, if you managed to "save" just before dying, the moment you breathed your last breath time would move in reverse and send you back to the point where you last saved. Apparently the random dead sorceress had not known about save points.
Not knowing exactly how to save, I poked the snowy mound with my spear. I looked around for some sort of sign that I had saved, but nothing happened. I shrugged and sought out Araches.
"Look," I said, pointing to the skeleton. "She was a sorceress, too."
"Yeah, I guess," replied Araches. "So what?"
"Well shouldn't we take her stuff?" I asked.
"Leave her robes. It would be disrespectful to strip a dead person naked like that."
She had a point. I trudged through the windy terrain and bent down to pick up the Tarot deck and notebook. The Tarot cards looked to be nothing special, but after flipping through the notebook I saw that it contained notes on several of the runes on the gateway and platforms. It looked like I could probably translate the messages and get some cryptic clue about what to do next.
I then looked to the lever. I considered trying to get everyone to help me pull it, then realized that it might be a Bad Thing. Bad Things, of course, were bad, and I was hoping to avoid them if possible.
Not wanting to go through the grueling, ardous task of picking up the items again, I walked back to the save point and poked it again. Once more, nothing happened.

Inventory

Read and translate the 'messages'.

I flipped through the notebook and got to work translating the runes on the gate. I wrote down the translated message in my sketchbook. It seemed to be an ancient Canadian poem.

Heed these word upon this door,
That thee might break these bonds of four,
The Hand is quick and strong of will,
Pwning foes with deadly skill,
The Mind is crafty, clever and wise,
And sees the truth through placid eyes,
The Heart is blind, but knows the way,
With love to cast thine pains away,
The Spirit's passion burns as fire,
Living boldly by desire,
Upon the mesa, gather thee,
Amongst the one who holds the key.

"Pretty sucky," I thought to myself. I then translated the individual runes upon the four platforms. The first bore the word "Hand," while the second, third and forth bore the words "Mind," "Heart" and "Spirit," respectfully. I wondered if they were somehow connected to the crappy Canadian poem.

Check everyone's inventory.

love might be faw? with love to cast thine pains away reminds me of a healer.

Mind is best suited for Leetsan. And Hand belongs to Shuriken. That means Uberbob is excluded, which only makes sense.

So:
Tell Leetsan to stand on the Mind rune.
Araches on Spirit.
Shuriken on Hand.
And then stand on the Heart rune.

Try this:

Hand: Shuriken
Mind: Leetzan
Heart: Fawriel
Spirit: Araches

Key guy: Uberbob

EDIT: I typed all that up without looking at White Rabbit's post so

"Hey!" I called to my comrades. "I think I know what to do!" After gathering everyone together I gave them a rundown of my plan. I told L33tz4n to stand on the Mind rune, Shuri to stand on Hand, and Araches to stand on Spirit. They did as they were told, amazingly. When everyone was in their place, I stood on Heart.
"What am I?" Uberbob asked. "Is there a sexy adventurer rune? And does it have one ear?"
"You're the key guy," I replied.
"Okay!" he said with smile. We all just stood there as Uberbob continued to smile. There was a long, uneventful silence. Perhaps I needed to rethink this plan a little more.

Have Uberbob pull the lever while everyone is standing on their part of the runes.

"Uberbob, pull the lever," I commanded. He turned around and examined the lever on the gate behind him. He put his mechanical hand on it and pulled it down with little effort. The runes began to glow, and the second gateway opened.
Uberbob pulled out Chad once more and held him out towards the gate. "Look how smart daddy is!" he said to the inanimate plushie. I wondered exactly why he was enjoying that stupid toy so much.

Walk North and kill Chad.