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Yes, that's right, folks, The Server, known as Monolith to us, is a pure, 100% alien! I report.



Sunday, May 27, 2001



Officials at the National Center for the Search of Extra-terrestial Beings in Cambridge, MA were shocked at the recent report that an extraterrestial alien from six billion light years away was in communication with the game titled, "Jazz Jackrabbit 2". The alien was, supposedly, studying human behavior in netplay in his own service, the "Battle Server".



This alien has dubbed himself the name "Monolith", as to hide his presence and disguise himself as one of our own, natural human beings. The conspiracy what lies in this great moment could be a great orginization of extraterrestial beings, hoping to cope up with invading Earth, stealing objects, or taking over "Jazz Jackrabbit 2". This is a very strange matter, indeed.



Cliff Bleszinski (CliffyB) has this to comment:



"In all my years I've been creating game design, but I've never seen anything so (bleep)ing bizarre since that (bleep)ing time I created that Jazz 2 bunny game (bleep)."



Thousands of people have gathered around the world guarding themselves from the extraterrestial beings themselves disguised as the "Battle Server", with shotguns in their hands ready to attack any signs of alien life approaching. Kind of a "War of the Worlds"-ish moment, don't you think?



Numerous people who have been in the territory of the "Battle Server" have always commented on how the Monolith alien was "idle", and "didn't play or talk all day". Our conclusions come as to that Monolith is NOT really idle, but instead, studying patterns and behavior of our humanly matter and thinking of plans to destroy the "earthlings". We'll get back with more reports from EPZ Live! Thank you for reading, goodnight.



- Piz

It makes perfect sense!!!!!!! Monolith studies our conversations in Battle Server!!!!! Monolith must be the leader of the alien takeover, and those who say they idolize him, are his henchmen, who are also aliens!!! Also, did you ever notice that all the weird stuff always happens in Battle Server???? that's why!!! No one is safe!!!! lock your doors, windows, TVs, bath tubs, and pants of any kind!!!!

AYE! RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIVES



- Piz

Also, did you ever notice that all the weird stuff always happens in Battle Server???? that's why!!!

He's right, you know. Wahahahahaha!

Monolith must be the leader of the alien takeover, and those who say they idolize him, are his henchmen, who are also aliens!!!

You *do* know what a monolith is, right? According to my Oxford English Dictionary:

monolith

2. A person or thing like a monolith, esp. in being massive, immovable, or solidly uniform; a large impersonal political or corporate body.

Uhh.... I think that means that Monolith could be their leader! (Or maybe just the alien equivalent of Microsoft :P)



~Talec LP, who starts humming "It's the end of the world as we know it"



<

a large impersonal politica... ...body.

hmmmmarrr...

WHERE ALL DOOMED!!!!!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????

Studying paterns.. Mmm smart..

He also always has some strange texts beneath his N/A messages on icq. This can only mean one thing......



WE'RE ALL DOOMED !, and aliens are also on icq..

They're in Japanese.

Then it must have been one of you guys that disabled the internet connection from my computer. How dare you!

You may have won this round, but the war has not yet begun!

MWAhahahahahaha!!!

€Â�‚ƒ„…â€(-)‡ˆ‰Å(-)‹ŒÂ�ŽÂ�Â�‘’⠀œâ€�•–—˜™š›œÂ�žŸÂ(-)¡¢£¤¥¦§¨ ©ª«¬Â(-)®¯°±²³´µ¶·¸¹º»¼½¾¿ÀÃ� ÂÃÄÅÆÇÈÉÊËÌÃ�ÃŽÃ�Ã�ÑÒÓÔÕÖ×ØÙÚ ÛÜÃ�ÞßÃ(-)áâãääåæçèéêëìÃ(-)îïðñò óôõö÷øùúûüýþÿ!

Hey Mono decipher that to read my msg (Its Alien)

(it explains the Ping rates and the technology of T*'s)

NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!! WE ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not really, perhaps, Me. You see, he is an alien. But who said he plans on killing us? He/They might shall wait until a few generations have pasted and THEN kill everyone.

I have weird away messages. Have you read them?

But they aren't in odd languages.

Oh well. Maybe I shouldn't tell him my secrets anymore while he appears to be gone

`Ducky

It does make sense, a few people saw shots apearing from no-where and *I* have the exact explanation:

Those shot were shot last night and took a while to get to "Monolith"'s hack-in-computer(TM) and be recored and sent six billion lightyears back to earth onto "Battle Server" and into out eyes and brain!

*Faints like Ace Vantura after he says something long (an explanation)*



-Nit

No no no! It is Japanise, just that for me it's hebrew, heres the Hebrew alpha-bet:

Ã(-)áâãääåæçèéêëìÃ(-)îïðñòóôõö÷ øùú

There! I bet that "Monolith" can see the Japanise Alienise alpha-bet there.

And btw... *whispers some jibberish into monolith's ear*

Haven't you guys read 2001: A space oddysey? Ofcourse he is an alien.. look at his name!

So what if Monolith IS an alien, if he is studying jazz conversations he could only come to the conclusion that all humans (who play jazz2) are insane and thus their invasion will be WAAAAAAAY to weak to kill all you foolish mortals...ehg...I mean humans.



*Forces of Darkness, be my guide for I am about to commit the worst of sins*

Big Brother Monolith is watching you

HMMM this 'outsider' monolith prolly cant even speak our language!!!



lets send the Jazz in Black to him...

Ohh... is that like a new level for the Battle Server?



Patience Nitro, we're not ready yet..

*Death-like growls...*



_________________

-

Ah, there is another alien force on Jazz 2? I thought I was the only one.

Hey! It was my idea to be an alien with Monolith! don't copy :P

looks at nitro



who's acting? (evil grin)

I think we are all a bunch of aliens. This is an infernal place.

Didn't you realise that that's why I'm the alien? Because I'm the only Earthilng here!



Duh..

AHHHHHH!!! RUN FOR YER LIVES!!!

wooo go monotilthadsfas

iCeD! Look. Where he is from. I can't read it! It must be Alien if I can't read it.



Lithiee is betraying us..

`Ducky

Anyone noticed my new 'From:'?

I did!

notice mine tooooooewww!

Question to Willet:

Who teached you to spell? ('tooooooewww')

'Teached'?



~Talec LP

lol the same one who teached you grammar!

Taught :P

I'mnot American! This is going sooo off-topic :\

Ak tou shooba heraz Monolith sfegd lanik?

Heh, who taught Nitro Alienese?