Chapter 1

“Pulling out of the Bridges in 5 minutes. We’ll be back home in no time.” Algernon’s voice crackled over the barely functional sound system.
“Haha! We've got the mother load this time! We’re rich guys, rich!” Cheered Zephyer in response.
“Shut up, I can’t hear the radio.” Crowed Captain Cadfael.
The Eluder streaked through the skies above Travaria, with its acres and acres of uncharted forests, until suddenly, like a Sea Dragon exploding from the ocean’s surface, the Eluder was over the familiar towns below. The Crew onboard were leaping for joy upon the sights of the gleaming silver cities below, shining as if to illuminate the world. The Eluder pulled in low over the skyline of Carrato, the sun beating down gently warming the lakes, wilderness, and the sleepy villages that dotted the landscape.

The Eluder lofted, and circled down into the only star port in the territory, in the center of the quaint and hidden city of Circi. They fired their Retro jets and came in swiftly, but gently, into the hanger. Immediately a team of engineers and mechanics rushed up to the Eluder to help them. The cockpit opened up, and the crew of less than Fifteen, young blooded and able bodied Eben-Kaley, emerged laughing and congratulating each other. A young kid waiting for his parents was puzzled by the bizarre ship that just landed, so he walked up to Captain Cadfael and asked him about it. The Captain snorted and shoved the kid out of his way as he walked towards the Comm. Tower. Algernon noticed the event and walked up to the child.

“Kid, you’re either really brave or stupid to ask the Captain about his ship.” Algernon said with the gentle warmth of a father. “This tin can here is the Eluder, one of the oldest pieces of crap you’ll see on the whole planet. This was the flagship of the Birdland Armada. Of course, at the time it was built, during the first war against Devan, the pilot had to stick his beak out and shoot from his front blaster-Hah!” Algernon said as he slapped the kid on the back.

As far as the crew of the Eluder goes, Algernon is their father figure, even though he’s a little less than twenty-four. Built like a brick wall, Algernon was one of the Eben, the older of the two sects, which make up the collective the Eben-Keley, as you know. The Eben are a faction of rabbits who played a key role in the first war, with their diplomatic nimbleness and steely resolve. They made great warriors and helped out on fighting the turtles ground units. They Keley, of course, are birds. They manufactured hundreds of vehicles of all make and model, not to mention ammunition, armaments, and armor. They hailed from Birdland years before the wars, and produced the Y-DNA device, also known as the “You’re dead, not anymore” device, which is used still to this day to make the simulation duels and capture the flag matches of today possible. They also produced the frigates and warships, which helped to fight off Devan’s battleship fleet. Together, they made the Eben-Keley combine, and that was the end of that.

Anyway, Algernon is an Eben, and a large one at that. He stood at 4’ 3”, which is huge for a rabbit. Algernon is a general of many wars, and now works as the navigator for the privateer vessel, the Eluder. He can always been seen wearing his leather bomber jacket, with his cyan fur neatly trimmed. He also wears black dress shoes, and believes in dress to impress. Finally, he has a weathered but quite kindly and warm face, with two deep green eyes.

“Boy, it sure must be exciting, being a privateer.” The boy said while nervously wringing his hands.
“Not particularly. The wars are all over kid, we’ve just been traveling to the Crossroads and doing reconnaissance into the less explored areas.” He leaned in closely though and dropped his voice to a whisper.
“I tell you what though.” He said rasped. “We found some pretty scary things on our last mission, but what we’re really excited about is that we have, on board, right now, a five pound rock of pure Tzao ore. Now you’ve gatta promise me you won’t tell anyone, alright kid?” Algernon said with a wink.

“Algernon.” Captain Cadfael barked from across the landing strip. “What’re you waiting for, let’s go.” He yelled while waving his paw in the air. Everyone on the Eluder was either an Eben or Keley, except for one person. The Captain himself was an Acturis Wolfe. An almost completely unknown species, the Wolfes are from a planet far from this quadrant. It is unknown how Cadfael arrived here, or how he became a pilot, or how he got the Eluder, or...well the list goes on and on. Regardless, from what we know of the Wolfes, which isn’t very much, they’re bipedal creatures, covered in chestnut colored fur, with short pointy ears and a small muzzle. Their mouths are lined with rows of pointy teeth. They lack any sort of tail for balancing, and have evolved not to need one.

Cadfael himself wears his uniform at all times, proudly displaying his few, meager, but hard-earned medals. He also wears his Captains beret whenever possible. Finally, he demands respect and authority from everyone and everything beneath him. It’s unknown if all Wolfes are like this, or if he’s just a jerk. Because he is a Wolfe, Captain Cadfael has much trouble maintaining his status as a privateer for the R.O.A.R.

The Crew of the Eluder ambled into the meeting room inside the spaceport’s communication tower. The Captain waited patiently for everyone to settle down before speaking the one; bliss filled sentence that everyone was waiting to hear. “Good job, you’ve all been granted your leave.” And with that, the room was filled with shouts, cheers, and yells of joy.

Algernon leapt, falling ten, twenty, thirty feet, and rolled when he hit the ground. He was breathing heavily and his body ached. He jumped behind a small plant just as it exploded into dust. He was in the forest, surrounded by his enemies. Suddenly a blaster shot whizzed and blew his ear straight off. Blood spurted out, and Algernon yelled out in pain. He fired blinding with his Pulse Rifle into the darkness of the forest around him. The trees made it nearly impossible to see where somebody was shooting from, and they blocked most bullets fired. Algernon felt defeated, and was about to submit and die. He had been running for hours, all because he forgot to keep a pair of infrared goggles with him. He had three bullets remaining. Suddenly, a sound, something stepping on a twig, to his back left. Algernon spun around and fired. The Pulse traveled straight, and hit his opponent dead on with a cone of blood spraying out from the back of his head. The Rabbit fell to his knees, wide-eyed, and finally collapsed.

Algernon opened his eyes. He was back in the Arena bar. He smiled as he jumped out of the warp pod and ripped his helmet off.
“Good game everyone, but I’m still the champion.” Algernon gloated. Everyone he had just beaten in the battle game grumbled to themselves as they went their separate ways, some of them staying to check their status, others to get a few drinks to forget their recent loss. This was the first time he’s used an Arena Sim Unit in close to fifteen years.

“You did pretty good out there.” A young lady said from behind Algernon.
“Heh, thanks.” Algernon said with a laugh as he turned to face the woman. She was a young Eben, average height, and with short ears. She had dark green fur with light turquoise eyes. She was wearing a plain black shirt, and camouflage pattern pants. She smiled at him and started talking.
“I’m the local champion in the whole territory of Travaria. The people here are pushovers, so it’s nice to see somebody else with a bit of skill in them. I’ve been waiting for ages to get into the Regional Tournament, and it’s finally being hosted here, of all places, and after all of these years. I finally get a chance to get my name out there.” She rambled on excitedly.
“Well, I hope you have good luck in that.” Algernon said half sincerely, half trying to get away from her. I forgot about the arena nuts. I’d better try and get out before she goes berserk and tries to kill me.
“What? You mean to say you’re not going to enter?” She exasperated, as if it were the worst atrocity committed against Carrotus. “All your skills, and you’re not even going to try?”
Oh no. OH NO! “Well, I’m only here on leave. I’ll probably be on duty by the time the tournament comes around.” Algernon replied timidly. Man, this won’t end well.
“Oh, that explains why you’re so talented, you’re in the military. Well, I hope to see you around some more. Maybe we’ll have a duel later.” She chirped in a completely normal tone of voice.

When the Arena Sims came out as a way to train civilians against the ground troops, they served to be vital in helping defense in the Second War. Afterwards, they quickly became a past time, seeing who would be the better warrior. Eventually, the JDC and other such events became commonplace, and people flocked to these events to either participate or watch. However, they became horribly addictive, where some people would live, breath, and eat the Arena Sim units. They became known as the Arena Nuts, and are known to confuse reality and the arena, even though they may be completely healthy and normal individuals.




Well, there you have it. The start of the first chapter. This one will be better, I promise. I actually enjoy writing this one really, so I'm more than likely going to finish it.

Wow. Great vocabulary use and stuff here. The action in the beginning was a nice addition too, since it kept my interest, and the ending of the chapter is a nice surprise (where its revealed that he's just playing a game).

Mmm... not too bad. Grammar needs work, often a lot of work, and there seems to be a lot of jumping between thoughts which could be handled better, but I like the general premise.

Wow, and to think not too long ago people were complaining that the War Tavern was dead. Well, make that person.

Anyway, this is pretty nice. It's theme is quite good, and to a fair degree different from all the other recent stories. The only glaring mistake I can see is that there is little transition between the paragraph when the crew is granted their leave and the paragraph where Algernon is in the simulation, making it looks at first like he immeditaly jumps off the communication tower and starts getting shot at by people. Or did you want it to look that way?

That little jump was a failed expiriment it seems. I was trying to suprise the reader, but I guess the transition could have been better. As far as grammar goes, I'm using a copy of Microsoft Office '95, which dosn't have a working spell checker or grammar checker so nyah ;P. Perhaps it would be a good idea to send to peice to somebody else to have them check it for me.

Originally Posted by Strato

As far as grammar goes, I'm using a copy of Microsoft Office '95, which dosn't have a working spell checker or grammar checker so nyah ;P.

You're not supposed to need a grammer checker, you're supposed to have learned about English in school already.

It can be harder to spot errors when you are typing faster than you can write. I always need the spellchecker when I type but I neve use the dictionary when I hand-write. Maybe it's my keyboard...

I don't really have a good grasp on grammar. When I hand write things, or type slowly, I have excellent grammar, but when I type I make stupid errors and not realize them, like typing the same word twice, skipping words, or writing to instead of the.

I didn't have time to read it all but what I read looks good. Cheers for Stratn!